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The Scorned (2005)
About What You Would Expect
Directed By: Robert Kubilos
Starring: Jenna Lewis, Steven Hill, Trish Schneider, & Bob Guiney
MPAA Rating: “Unrated”
Starring: Jenna Lewis, Steven Hill, Trish Schneider, & Bob Guiney
MPAA Rating: “Unrated”
I will not waste too much time on this review, because just watching The Scorned wasted far too much of my time than it should have. This film exists entirely so that E! Entertainment Channel could create yet another vacuous reality show, this time called Kill Reality. I watched the show back in 2005, and it was just another Big Brother knock-off that happened to occur on the set of a horror movie. After the show came to an end, the movie was shown on E! yet with all of the sexuality and nudity removed. Later, it was released on DVD with all of the supposed good stuff included. And I have put myself through the pure torture of watching it so that you won’t have to.
The Scorned is about a group of friends--Oliver (Hill), Kirsten (Lewis), Seth (Reichen Lehmkuhl), and DQ (Jonny Fairplay)--who move into a secluded beach house for the summer. Little do they know that, a few years earlier, an aspiring actress named Raina (Schneider) was savagely attacked and nearly killed by either her fiancée, Matt (Guiney), or her best friend, Nichola (Trishelle Cannatella), after she discovered them having an affair. She is now in a coma, but her vengeful spirit remains within the house. Over the course of a few days, the ghost of Raina begins to kill the friends after they prove to be unfaithful to their romantic partners. Oliver and Kirsten, a couple who broke up after Oliver supposedly cheated, must now race to solve the mystery and save their friends with the help of a crazy spiritualist named Murray (Ethan Zohn) who has mental ties to the devastated Raina.
The Scorned stars a cast composed entirely of reality television stars. We didn’t want to see them on terrible TV shows, so why would we want to see them in a horror film? The answer is, of course, that we wouldn’t...and that is a big problem with the film. Essentially, it is like watching a reality program, except it has a vengeful ghost that kills off a handful of them. The ones we all hated during The Real World or Big Brother are equally-despicable here. The ones we may have liked are, for the most part, the ones we will like here. With the exception of Lehmkuhl (who plays a straight man) and a sprinkling of others, they play themselves. One might think that this is would be an easy task for this group of wannabe actors. Unfortunately, most of them cannot even handle this. They flounder around, going naked whenever possible (no doubt, using their breasts and butts to hide the lack of talent), and feign cheesy expressions of terror.
The cast, however, is not the weakest link of The Scorned because, as we all know, even the worst cast can make for an interesting horror movie. Sometimes, it is more fun to watch overacting dames run away from a killer than talented ones. The writing, partially from Rob Cesternino (who was considered a smart contestant on Survivor: The Amazon), is atrocious. Characters carry guns to face off against a ghost, crying, “I’m going to kill you!” loudly. The entire movie is a rambling narrative, a cheesy melodrama interrupted briefly ever so often to kill off a random character. The direction from porn director, Robert Kubilos, however, is its major downfall. It resembles something that would be seen in a bad porn film; there is not style, no sense of solidity, and nothing that couldn’t have been done better by someone else. His direction stands out solely for its badness. But, The Scorned is just a bad movie overall, dumb and ugly...just like most reality television.
The Scorned is about a group of friends--Oliver (Hill), Kirsten (Lewis), Seth (Reichen Lehmkuhl), and DQ (Jonny Fairplay)--who move into a secluded beach house for the summer. Little do they know that, a few years earlier, an aspiring actress named Raina (Schneider) was savagely attacked and nearly killed by either her fiancée, Matt (Guiney), or her best friend, Nichola (Trishelle Cannatella), after she discovered them having an affair. She is now in a coma, but her vengeful spirit remains within the house. Over the course of a few days, the ghost of Raina begins to kill the friends after they prove to be unfaithful to their romantic partners. Oliver and Kirsten, a couple who broke up after Oliver supposedly cheated, must now race to solve the mystery and save their friends with the help of a crazy spiritualist named Murray (Ethan Zohn) who has mental ties to the devastated Raina.
The Scorned stars a cast composed entirely of reality television stars. We didn’t want to see them on terrible TV shows, so why would we want to see them in a horror film? The answer is, of course, that we wouldn’t...and that is a big problem with the film. Essentially, it is like watching a reality program, except it has a vengeful ghost that kills off a handful of them. The ones we all hated during The Real World or Big Brother are equally-despicable here. The ones we may have liked are, for the most part, the ones we will like here. With the exception of Lehmkuhl (who plays a straight man) and a sprinkling of others, they play themselves. One might think that this is would be an easy task for this group of wannabe actors. Unfortunately, most of them cannot even handle this. They flounder around, going naked whenever possible (no doubt, using their breasts and butts to hide the lack of talent), and feign cheesy expressions of terror.
The cast, however, is not the weakest link of The Scorned because, as we all know, even the worst cast can make for an interesting horror movie. Sometimes, it is more fun to watch overacting dames run away from a killer than talented ones. The writing, partially from Rob Cesternino (who was considered a smart contestant on Survivor: The Amazon), is atrocious. Characters carry guns to face off against a ghost, crying, “I’m going to kill you!” loudly. The entire movie is a rambling narrative, a cheesy melodrama interrupted briefly ever so often to kill off a random character. The direction from porn director, Robert Kubilos, however, is its major downfall. It resembles something that would be seen in a bad porn film; there is not style, no sense of solidity, and nothing that couldn’t have been done better by someone else. His direction stands out solely for its badness. But, The Scorned is just a bad movie overall, dumb and ugly...just like most reality television.
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